I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
