Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
