You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize