Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
