she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
