My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
