Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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