If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
