saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize