# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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