Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
