You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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