I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
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