the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
