i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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