I like my sex mixed with concussions.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
