I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Couch. On fire.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
