well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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