I am puke
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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