Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
