If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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