i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
