well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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