I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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