A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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