Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
