2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
