grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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