Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
