The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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