On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
