Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
