Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
