I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
What a dumb baby whore.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
