I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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