for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
