I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
