I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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