you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
