Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
