good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
