I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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