No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
