I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
