I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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