I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
COCAINE IS GR8
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
