You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
