she looked like the before picture.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize