Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
