There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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