She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
