he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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