All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
