The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize