All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
