Already got asked if we're dating
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
