I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
