it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
pop tarts are not kleenex
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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