make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
