my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize