My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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