If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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