3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
