Just cropdusted the office
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize