if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
