How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
