I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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